The Gaping Hole in My Heart (TROS)
by Tunefuldog
Summary: Three months after the events of The Rise Of Skywalker, the death of Rey's love, Ben Solo, threatens to destroy her soul and tip her over the edge. Will she survive the never-ending pain in her heart, and, what is she willing to risk to get him back? Currently Rated T for romance, hurt. Might change later depending on how romantic it gets. SPOILERS AHEAD! YOU'VE BEEN WARNED!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N****_: _****Hello to all you fellow Reylo shippers (and geeky Star Wars fans)! I recently saw The Rise Of Skywalker and thought 'damn, that ending tho...' What would've happened after? NOTE: This contains spoilers so please, please, please! If you have not seen the movie, GO RUN TO THE CINEMA, WATCH IT AND COME BACK! This is the first chapter (and might be edited in the future), so please leave feedback so I can grow as a writer, no matter how brutal! EXPECT MORE CHAPTERS LATER ON!**

_The room is so cold._

_Empty._

_I've never felt more alone. _

"Rey!" Finn screams, his voice piercing through the fog of my mind. He throws himself at me, his hand outstretched, reaching for me. I feel his fingers graze my shoulder.

Then he begins to choke.

"_Rey_!" He splutters. The water falls fast, gushing out of his mouth, the corners of his eyes. His fingers shatter into glittering particles of ice and are brushed away by a dark wind.

I feel the water reaching for me as it rises, wrapping itself tightly around me as a mother would embrace her child. Finn's surface began to crack, water bursting out of him, slapping me in the face.

I struggle aimlessly against the water. I can hear it whispering in my ear, gently, teasingly, lovingly-

_Don't struggle, sweet thing. _

_It'll all be over soon. _

Then I realise: That's not Finn's voice…

Not even mine…

It's _his_.

I realise that the water has almost completely submerged me, the binds around me tugging me further down. I cry out as I look at Finn's face, cracked like porcelain. He meets my eyes, and cries out,

"I still haven't told you that I… I can sense the Force!"

He explodes into a tsunami, the weight of the water ripping out of his body shoving me under the water roughly. I push against it, trying to surface.

Nothing's working.

_Please… Don't do this… _I beg the water silently as I push myself up with as much force as I can…

Only to be slammed back down by an invisible power, the force so great I see black spots in my vision. I gasp, the bubbles shooting out of my mouth, water filling my lungs.

The water reaches out a hand.

_Join me_, it seems to say. Like_ he_ did three months ago.

I give into the water. I take its hand.

I'm lifted up, up, up… Out of the water.

The hand is real.

The hand belongs to _him_.

I look up, drenched from the water, and meet his eyes.

I see Ben.

He smiles his soft smile that melted my heart those months ago. He wasn't Kylo Ren anymore… That horrifically evil part of him was gone. He was Ben now. Ben Solo.

_My Ben…_

He takes my head in his hands and kisses me gently, our lips sliding over each others in a beautiful, perfect way. I savoured the moment, the way his hands brushed a wet lock of hair out of my face. He left me breathless and wanting more as he eventually pulled away. I open my eyes - I hadn't realised I had closed them - and look deeply into his.

He's not smiling anymore.

His eyes are dark.

_Kylo Ren. _

_No._

_PLEASE NO!_

I open my mouth, only to be met with a blooming pain in my stomach. I bend over as the pain increases to a jagged screech in my ears. I look down and see his lightsaber jutting out of me.

My head tilts upwards to look at him, tears pricing my eyes.

My blood streaked across his face is the last thing I see before he smiles, grabs my neck and hurls me into the water.

I shoot up on the bed with a primal scream. My heart is racing, and I frantically breathe in and out to steady myself. When I am calm enough, and no longer afraid, I look around the room.

It's just past midnight.

The room is black.

Cold.

Empty.

I've never been more alone.

I search the room, scanning for the person who should be here with me, lying next to me, to comfort me...

I look for Ben. He isn't here.

He's dead.

I begin to cry.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: HELLO AGAIN, REYLO FANS! Yes! Tis I! Back with another chapter! After such nice reviews from Chapter 1, I thought 'MAN! I gotta continue with this story!' So here it is! Chapter 2! Again, please leave reviews! All feedback is good feedback (if something needs improving, like scenes where i'm describing stuff, tell me. HAVE NO HESITATION WHEN IT COMES TO BRUTAL FEEDBACK!) :) Expect Chapter 3 to be EPIC! I won't disappoint all you readers!**

I'd become used to falling asleep at night with one arm wrapped around my waist, my other arm practically crushing another pillow.

Anything to feel like Ben was here. That Ben was _alive_.

My crying turned into full-on sobbing as I crushed my hands together, locking them tightly around each other. I imagined my hand holding his. The thought made my head spin.

_I must be going insane_, I pathetically thought, watching my tears hit my interlaced fingers.

_It's the only explanation for my actions. The nightmares…_

I shuddered as Finn's chilling call echoed in my ear. I released my fingers and wrapped my hands around my shoulders, exposed in the midnight chill.

I usually had nightmares. Occasionally, I would have a happy dream, the characters always the same.

Me.

Ben.

The rare, good dreams, consisting of us talking, kissing, laughing, or sometimes, even just sitting in a comfortable silence, for what _was_ there to say when you were with your soulmate...

And between us, our Force bond, was love. Pure, unending, unbearable _love_.

He truly was the only one who understood me. I wasn't scared of him. I was never truly. I was scared that I would lose him. The one that _saw_ me. Who made me feel strong. Beautiful. Unyielding.

The door to my hut slammed open, making me instinctively reach for my lightsaber.

"Rey!" A man ran into the room with his pistol. "Are you alright? I heard screaming…" I relaxed and shifted further back on the bed. It was only Finn.

"Yeah, um…" I sniffed, wiping my eyes with the back of my hand, "I'm good." Finn looked at me as if to say 'yeah, right', and sat on the edge of my bed.

"Really, Rey. Who are you trying to fool? Me? 'Cause it's not working. _Are. You. Alright_?" He demanded. I didn't answer. It was his turn to shudder.

"I sensed something. The Force… I thought you were in trouble." Finn shook his head in disbelief. I smiled softly. Leave it to Finn to look out for me.

"It was just a nightmare, Finn." I patted his arm gently. We locked eyes briefly. I could've sworn sadness coated his eyes in a filmy haze.

"You were dreaming about _him_, weren't you?"

My heart seemed to stop.

"How did you know?"

"Like I said, I know these things. I can sense them." Finn tapped the side of his head with a fake air of knowledge and wisdom around him. I snorted, shoving him playfully. He smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes.

"I miss him," I said lamely. I could feel tears beginning to sting my eyes again. Finn sighed, drawing me into a hug.

"I know you do. And I'm sorry. I wish there was another way to protect him."

I nodded, a tear slipping down my cheek despite my best efforts. I remembered after our first - our last - kiss. I remembered Ben's gentle smile as my hand caressed his face. And the pain that ripped through me as he lay down and died not a minute later.

I pulled away from Finn sharply, hiding my face in shadow.

_Don't let him see you cry, Rey._

He stared at me for a while. I felt the bed groan as Finn stood up and left the hut, closing the door behind him.

When I heard his footsteps recede into the night, I let out a broken, mangled cry.

_I was all alone. _

_Ben wasn't coming for me._

I lay back down, my head hitting my pillow hard.

Then I jolted up again, an idea soaring itself across my mind like a comet.

_But maybe, just maybe…_

My eyes closed, my heart pounding, the corners of my mouth turning upwards as I began to devise my plan.

_…__I could come for him._

But first, I needed a ship.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: OK! OK! CHAPTER 3 IS (dramatic pause) HERE! *insert fireworks and stadium cheer sound effects here* Now, somebody kindly told me that I used present verbs in a past-tense story. I was all like, "ARRGH! I do that all the time!" So i've carefully written this with *fingers crossed* NO! PRESENT! VERBS! (Again, thanks for all your kind feedback, favs and follows! You guys are AWESOME!)**

When I arrived at Ahch-To a few days later on my 'borrowed' ship (thanks, Finn!), I was hit with a strong jolt of a dark, ancient Force. Some part of me wanted to leave immediately after setting foot on the island. The memory of me standing in the Mirror Cave bubbled up to the surface - it was almost too much to bear.

I gripped the uneven, jagged rocks jutting out of the island as I slowly walked towards that twisted, evil pit that led to the Mirror Cave. Soon, after tripping over several loose pebbles and earning some tiny cuts, I reached the entrance. It sang its devilish siren song to me. Drowning it out, I peered over the edge.

_Here goes nothing._

My legs trembled slightly as I jumped into the pit.

After some time stumbling blindly around in the dark, waiting for my eyes to adjust to the darkness, I slammed into my reflection.

Lots of them.

I swallowed my building anxiety as I looked back at hundreds, _thousands, _of myself. They followed suit in a sort of domino effect. I would look back, the next Rey would look back, and so forth down the line. My eyes dragged back to my reflection in front of me. She - I - looked desperate, hungry for a life lost.

I came here for a reason.

I came here because I wanted to know if all of this would be worth it.

I took a deep breath and placed my hand, riddled with shivers, on my smooth reflection.

"Show me…" My voice hitched as I watched a single tear slip down my face.

"_Show me what my life would have been… If Ben was still here_."

For a moment, my reflection stared back at me. My eyes became glassy, my vision foggy-

Ben stood next to my reflection.

I whipped around to my side…

He wasn't here.

Of course. He was dead, after all.

My eyes slipped back to the scene playing out in front of me.

Ben slid his arms around my reflection's waist. I watched helplessly from the other side of the wall, tears oozing from my eyes as Reflection Rey took his head in her hands and kissed him. Over and over again.

I was shivering as I watched him smile and nuzzle my hair.

From the left side of me, I heard a voice.

"Hey! Mum! Dad!"

My heart burst.

I watched, in physical pain, my hand numb, as a young girl, about six, with inky black hair tied up in a crude ponytail ran over to Reflection Rey and Ben, donning his lightsaber.

"Hey, Jules. Be careful with that. You could hurt yourself," Ben said softly, concern dashing his face as he pried it out of her hand and turned it off. Jules giggled softly and tugged Reflection Rey's shirt.

"Mum? When I'm older, can I become a Jedi like you and dad? Can I? _Pleeeease_?" she begged. My reflection laughed as she picked Jules up.

"When you're older, you most certainly can."

It was at this moment that I rammed my lightsaber through my reflection's head. I was screaming. It was a droning sound that pierced my brain, my lungs, my heart. Every blood vessel, every bone ached as I screamed, pulling my lightsaber out of the mirror and slicing it again and again.

In.

Out.

In.

Out.

I was still screaming as I used the Force to rip myself out of the now shattered cave.

I hated my life.

I wanted to die.

The sea was welcoming me from the edge of Ahch-To as I ran towards it, prepared to fling myself off. Into the open arms of Ben.

But as I reached the edge and lunged forward, ready to die, I thought I felt arms at my waist, tugging me back. Of course, there were no _physical _arms on me. It was the Force,

"BEN!" I screamed into the sky. This was his doing, I knew it. I tried again and again to force myself off the cliff, tears flying off my face as I thought again and again of that black-haired girl - our _daughter_ \- and the family that would never exist. Those arms held me roughly, not letting me go.

"BEN! LET ME DIE! I WANT TO DIE! LET ME DO IT!"

My knees hit the grassy edge of the cliff as I collapsed into a sob, the image of Ben, me and my unborn daughter, Jules, burned in the forefront of my brain.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Ayyy! What's popping, fellow Reylo fans!? We are nearing the epic ending that you all are waiting for! Thanks to all the readers, visitors, reviewers, favourites (not a real word, I know) and savers that have been with me on this writing journey! You guys are great!** **This chapter was super fun to write, a little shorter than the rest, but just as good! As always, please leave reviews! I need the feedback to make me become a better ****Jedi**** \- I mean, _writer_ :)**

A sharp, lazy stab in my abdomen made me lurch up from my hunched position on the cliff. I groaned as I shifted to stand up, my legs half asleep and cramped from sitting in an uncomfortable position for ages.

I had had this pain in my stomach for the past two months. I assumed it was a stomach bug, but I realised now, as I lifted my shirt up, that it was a giant hernia.

The breath whooshed out of me, a long, pained hiss, as I prodded the lump.

It seemed my heartbreak and pain had physically manifested on me as a giant growth, my efforts of praying and long nights of crying taking a toll on my body.

Pulling my shirt down, and pressing my whole hand to it, I stumbled back to Finn's ship, the effort tremendous since my legs had not fully woken up yet. When I reached it, I rummaged around the ship to find the bottle of Fruki-brand Painkillers. My hand shook as I rammed two into my mouth and swallowed.

I gripped the controls to the plane and flipped the switches. I heard the rhythmic humming of the engine, its purring soothing me further from the events of the Mirror Cave. My vision blurred.

_Jules…_

My eyelids snapped shut, willing my eyes to dissipate the tears.

* * *

"Where were you?" Finn demanded as I landed back at the base.

I didn't respond.

"You stole my ship, you clearly went _somewhere_!"

Silence.

He threw his hands up in the air, frustration coating his face.

"I don't understand you, Rey."

"I wouldn't expect you to," I said, my voice raw from screaming. Finn stared at me, trying to read my face, when he suddenly lurched back.

"Ahch-To… The Mirror Cave…" He suddenly was furious. "Why go there? That place is pure _evil_! You know that!"

I smoothly walked towards him, my lips curling.

"How did you know I went there?"

"The smell of darkness does not suit you, Rey. Trust me." I glared at him. His smile was razor sharp. Cold.

"You went back for _him_. You want to know how to save him. How to get him back."

Fire scorched through me.

"Shut up," I breathed. Finn ignored me, enjoying himself. He circled me slowly.

"You want nothing more than to be with him. Not your real friends. No, that was never what you wanted. All you wanted… was your _Ben_." He spat his name.

"Shut _up_, Finn," I growled, my fingers curling in spite. I didn't want to hurt him. But somehow, I did.

"You want to go to him! You don't want _me_!" His voice was a mournful wail, "You don't want Poe! You don't want…" He gestured wildly to the scene around him, "…._Any_ of this! No! Everything has always - and _will_ always - be about _him_! You just want to be with him in his bed as his little _animal, his PET!_" His voice was a stab in the throat as he yelled, "I'm glad your sick, disgusting Ben is _DEAD!_"

I didn't feel anything as I lunged at him.

* * *

A comatose Finn ended up in the Resistance Infirmary a few minutes later, suffering from cruel, unforgiving lashes of my lightning.

Strange, though.

I felt no regret. Only the rush of will.

I now knew what I had to do. The lightning had woken me. It had answered my question on how to get him back.

_This is the only way. _

My hands still tingled with live electricity as I bowed my head and muttered the words, "Be with me."

After all, the dark side of the Force is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be...

_Unnatural_.

I heard Emperor Palpatine's laugh, and knew he had heard my call.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Well, Reylo fans! We have reached the epic FINALE for this fan fiction! Thanks for all your support for ****_The Gaping Hole in my Heart_****! You guys are THE BEST! **

**The big questions you might be asking:**

**_"_****_Why does Rey call upon _****Palpatine****_?!"_**

**_"_****_Does Ben even come back?!"_**

**Or maybe, you're asking:**

**_"_****_Anything significant about Rey's hernia?!"_**

**These WILL be answered! Note: This chapter is long, so get comfortable!**

It had begun to rain.

I turned slowly to face the late Emperor. His force ghost shimmered, the outline hazy. Palpatine held a bony finger to his lips as I steadied myself and opened my mouth.

"I already know what you want to ask of me, dear child." His menacing voice sent shivers lashing my spine, the words deliberately slow, like a thrust of a blade into my ears.

My body twitched. I was _this close_ to knowing how I could get Ben back in my arms, in my life, in me…

My legs threatened to fail me, and I worried I would crash onto the floor and shatter.

Palpatine angled his head to the side, surveying the Resistance base. He took his time. His scarred lips curled up in a smile, revealing sharp, yellow, lethal fangs, before locking his yellow eyes onto me.

"Let's take this conversation… _somewhere else_." Venom dripped from his words. I willed my voice not to tremble, to show any weakness, as I matched the venom.

"Let's."

Inky blackness slid into my vision, swallowing every ship, every plant, every light up, until pure midnight blanketed the two of us. I felt slightly nauseous and pushed a hand to the hernia. It throbbed softly, not a good sign. The void stretched endlessly between me and my grandfather, and the air was crisp.

"How do I use the Force to bring Ben back?" It was blunt, short and direct. This is how you had to talk to beings of high power, like Palpatine. His lips curled further.

"My dear Rey… You already know the _answer_ to that question," he spat. I frowned, however, deep down, I agreed. He opened his palms upright and held out his hands, gesturing to the black void.

"_Doesn't she, my fellow Sith?_" Palpatine's booming voice made the ground tremble. I peered slowly into the darkness, letting my eyes adjust.

The crowd of Sith ghosts towering up into infinity roared their agreement, making me lurch back, startled.

A tear rolled down my cheek.

Palpatine grinned.

"You killed me… You struck me down… However, the ritual you performed to absorb my powers was _incomplete_. You need my _full_ power, my Sith - not Jedi - power, to bring Ben Solo back. You saw how powerful it was from what the sliver you have did to your friend."

My eyes widened, hand raising to my mouth, as the weight of what I did to Finn ripped me apart. It had finally sunk in.

I…

I had hurt him.

With the Dark Side of the Force.

And I had _liked _it.

"No… No. _NO_!" I screamed at Palpatine.

"YES, YES, _YES_!" He was delighted. The Sith ghosts roared. I shoved my hands to my ears as their cry rang though me, the tear now joining a steady stream.

Palpatine shushed the ghosts with a shift of his hand. The only sound in the void were my sobs echoing around the darkness. When I was strong enough to face him, I raised up and looked at him with gritted teeth:

"I will never… become a Sith. I will never join you."

He made a noise that seemed like a sigh.

"Your stomach…" He was suddenly in front of me, reaching for my hernia with a bony finger. I shifted away from him, the pain shooting through me almost too much to bear. He laughed. It was not a happy noise.

"A child is growing inside you, Rey. Ben's child."

Time stopped.

I felt a shift in my stomach in response to his statement. The tears fell again as I stroked the lump.

"How?" I whispered softly, my voice gone. Palpatine shrugged as if this was the simplest thing in the world.

"It's easy. When Ben died, some of his life force entered your womb and began to grow." He closed his eyes.

"It is a girl. Dark hair, brown eyes… He had a name for her planned if this day would come. And I'm sure you saw her too in the Mirror Cave."

A small cry escaped my lips.

_"__Jules._"

"So _that's_ her name." Palpatine's smile made me sick.

"If you give me the girl, I'll bring back Ben Solo, just for you."

I growled, placing a hand protectively on my stomach.

"I won't let you take her."

"Then you have no choice." He held out his hand. "Take it. When you do, all the Sith shall pass into you. You will be Empress Palpatine, and you will destroy the Resistance, and the Light Side forever!"

I had no choice.

I really didn't.

I reached out and took his hand.

My vision became red-rimmed. Lightning stabbed my body, changing my very soul. My blood turned black - i could see it running through the veins in my arm.

I screamed and shut my eyes.

Palpatine laughed.

The Sith ghosts bowed as Emperor Palpatine faded into me, and, as I opened my now yellow eyes, Empress Palpatine was reborn.

I stretched out my fingers, watching the lightning dash along them. Beautiful, gorgeous _power_ coursed though me. I loved it.

My arms raised to the skies as I let out a blood-curling cheer and unleashed my lightning into the night black sky.

"_Your new emperor is born! The light side will fall! I will rule eternal!_"

The Sith ghosts unleashed a deafening yell of pure pride as I laughed into the sky.

"Rey…?"

The beautiful, velvet voice clogged with fear and anxiety slid over me. I paused my lightning.

I must be going mad.

It must be a Light Side trick.

I turned.

Standing in front of me, was Ben Solo.

His lips were parted slightly. They trembled as his eyes shone with tears. His black hair was a dreamy mess framing his face.

The sight of him looking achingly beautiful made me moan and fall to my knees.

Ben ran over to me and slid a hand over my back as I panted.

"Rey…"

I looked up at him.

"Rey, what have you done?" His voice was so tiny, so hesitant… Tears dripped from his eyes. I felt the power that once thrummed in me a second ago still. The Sith ghosts disappeared with a tortured sigh. I cried into his shoulder as he crushed me against his broad shoulder. He stroked my back and head, hushing me softly.

"I want you," I rumbled softly as I pushed myself against him. He hissed softly, stilling me with his hands on my round stomach.

"Jules is present, remember?" He said it with a small rasp in his voice. I smiled. He craved me too. His hands gently lifted up my shirt to expose my stomach. Ben lowered his lips to her.

When he finished, he pulled my shirt back down.

"Let's get out of here," Ben whispered. I nuzzled his neck sleepily as I pressed my lips to his, inhaling his scent and feeling his warmth envelope me at last.

_At last. _

We faded into the darkness as our lips joined, the Force spiriting us away.

_The air was warm_

_Tinged with love, with Ben by my side…_

_I'd never been more alive. _


End file.
